Flesh and Bones

March 5, 2013 § 43 Comments

Strength feeds strength, as weakness feeds weakness.

Weeks of drifting.  A ghost of myself, neither truly alive nor fully present.

A malaise to match the gray, damp, chill that has hovered over my city.  Shuffling through the grimy streets with my devoted companions- doubt, fear, and evasion.

Even as I got things done, I performed rather than existed.  Not committed.  Not engaged.  Thinking, thinking, thinking.  Busy, busy, busy.

This morning different.  Meditation.  A walk in the woods.  Being present with those I love.  Strength.  The flesh and bones of true being shattering that pale, ghostly shell.

And then the sun came out.  I bathed in its warmth, adored the way it lit up the snow and ice, lost myself in the blue sky.

But those were just extra things.

The light of my true self had already broken through.  All I needed.

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§ 43 Responses to Flesh and Bones

  • Anitra says:

    It’s oddly reassuring someone like you can go through phases of “doing” rather than “being” … makes you seem more human, and reminds me that even the most spiritually grounded of us go through times of non-presence. I’m glad you started to feel the sun on your face again …

  • brendamarroy says:

    Beautifully said. I heard your heart as I read your words.

  • Cassie says:

    The phrase “busy,busy, busy” reminded me of a passage in Benjamin Hoff’s “The Tao Of Pooh”. I’m sure you have read it; if not, you should.” It’s simplicity appeals to simple souls like me! And reminds me of your writing… 😉

  • I love this and have had a similar experience recently here in Montana’s late winter. Sometimes I think nature reflects our inner nature.

  • Tom,
    It is amazing how you and I often seem to be on the same “wavelength.” I know exactly what you mean about drifting, feeling non-motivated and stagnant. I felt like that for weeks this winter. Then my trip to Texas brought me out of my “funk” and helped me see clearly for the first time in what seemed like forever. I had fresh air in my lungs that helped me breathe freely and feel that things will start being okay again. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and for reminding me that I’m not alone…
    Here’s to the sunny days ahead of us, and all that comes with them.
    Hope you’re healing up physically as well..
    All my best,
    Laura

    • Thomas Ross says:

      Laura,

      As you were posting this reply here, I was at your blog. leaving you a message and my warmest wishes. Kindred souls in synch.

      Spring is coming. More sun. Big workouts and all kinds of wondrous things ahead.

      Thanks for coming by and lighting up my life.

      Tom

      • My pleasure, Tom! Happy to offer support to those who give so much of themselves.
        Yes, here’s to the coming spring!
        I am also happy to report I planned a long weekend escape of my own to Aruba which is coming up on April 6th. I’m going all by myself and I can’t wait to escape from EVERYTHING and EVERYONE and get some sunshine-infused power to fuel me through the new season.
        Sending all my best wishes from chilly New York City!

  • phlyfitmama says:

    My dearest Tom – amazing how we can just drift sometimes…numb, going through the motions. Also so powerful – how natural sunlight can awaken us — from within, as well. Keep feeding that light – your soul always shines bright with me. xoxo Heather

    • Thomas Ross says:

      Heather,

      I walked the beach this morning- rough seas, cold rain- but glorious.

      I feel the energy coming from you. I see you heading to wondrous things- driven by your strength and will.

      Thanks for being my constant companion on the journey.

      Tom

      • phlyfitmama says:

        Tom – I enjoy the picture of you walking along the beach, thinking such lovely and hopeful thoughts with me in them. I just feel so blessed and feel like I really do know you in my soul. Times have been challenging but I see an awareness in me – an ability to sit back and observe and not just rush through, that I had not had before. Funny that you used the word “wondrous” it is one of my most treasured….. just like you are. xo Heather

  • All I needed….beautiful! Thank you for sharing

  • Jude says:

    So glad the sun came out for you Tom. It’s always there, just often hidden by cloud or fog, waiting to break through.

    • Thomas Ross says:

      Jude,

      You are right. The sun never goes away. I just sometimes walk away from the brilliance and spirit of the world. But this community of kind souls helps me stay in the light.

      So thank you so much.

      Tom

  • dadirri7 says:

    honesty, authenticity … i have been flying, not well, but flying is always good especially in dreams … and waiting for something to hatch, although not sure what … too much bright sun here, between us there might be a balance … 🙂

    • Thomas Ross says:

      Christine,

      Apologies for my tardy reply; I’ve been traveling.

      Seeking balance always. A balance that does not depend on anything external. As we each know, it’s a struggle.

      I had a time when I dreamt of flying most every night. Not lately though.

      Hoping that wondrous things are coming your way.

      Tom

      • dadirri7 says:

        no need for apologies thomas … we are here … i would like to fly through the snow i experience by reading/viewing blogs … flying requires internal balance … no wings to trim … i am hoping for more practise soon 🙂

  • Anne Dickson says:

    Lovely to see you back writing Tom. Think I also need a walk in the woods! Sending you Peace Light Love and Healing.

    Namaste

    Anne

  • DIRNDL SKIRT says:

    You communicate your strengths and weaknesses so eloquently and democratically…I understand. We all do, I imagine. Thank you, again.

    • Thomas Ross says:

      Sharon,

      I’m trying to be honest, always. Perhaps that’s why I sometimes have to “disappear” for a bit. Just can’t get back to my authentic self in those times and can’t bear to write from anyplace else perhaps.

      Thank you.

      Tom

  • Julianna says:

    It’s nice to hear your voice, friend. Perhaps we can talk soon?

  • Mark Blasini says:

    Love the poeticism. Great post.

  • potterfan97 says:

    Beautiful thoughts Tom 🙂 Thanks for sharing.

  • Glad that the shadows have lifted, Tom….

    • Thomas Ross says:

      Me too, Lori.

      I’m looking at six inches of new snow. Sammie is going to love this. She likes to bound through the snow like a deer- leaping above.

      Thanks for staying with me even as I drift away sometimes.

      Tom

      • Beau has developed a love for snow as well. He wasn’t at all sure about the deep snow initially–I think he thought that “white stuff” was going to swallow him whole–but he’s now discovered that it makes for a fun frolic. We’re slated to get another 6-8″ tonight and tomorrow, so he’ll have a fresh canvas… Be well, Tom.

    • Thomas Ross says:

      Jenn,

      After a long absence, to see you here again is a beautiful experience- as every experience has been for me with you.

      Thanks for being a part of my life.

      Tom

  • Thomas…something about your writing that always cuts right to the chase. Thank you as always, and so glad you have broken through. It is an incredible thing here in Africa…I have been at the complete opposite end of the spectrum you describe. I really, truly feel alive here. I think it has something to do with being off balance, being challenged at virtually every turn at so many levels. Something I really need to remember when I am back in the familiar.

    • Thomas Ross says:

      Jonathan,

      So great to hear from you. Your energy and strong will is just shining through. If that’s what being “off balance” helps you find, I’d say keep it up. And for when you return, know that we create the sense of the “familiar” or the “ordinary.” We can create the sense of wonder wherever we are- here or there. All things can be fresh and new, if we allow.

      Safe journey. You are an inspiration.

      Tom

  • Sounds like Winter has morphed to Spring… a new cycle begins…

    • Thomas Ross says:

      M.,

      True, although I’m looking out at about six inches of fresh snow here- but it’s grand.

      You write so beautifully and honestly of your retirement life. Although I still hold my “day job,” I feel the tug of full-time writing. So may be close behind you on this.

      Thanks so much for sticking with me through my absence.

      Tom

  • Golly, If I hadn’t known better I would have thought you were speaking of my current state. I too emerged just this week and started to feeling myself again. I went for a walk and the world opened up to me and I was whole. 🙂 Spring is on the way. 🙂

    • Thomas Ross says:

      Susan,

      Spring is on the way. And our connections to the natural world are important, I know, to each of us. When unsure of how to regain myself, a walk in the woods can never be a bad idea.

      I’m grateful for our connection, Susan.

      Thank you.

      Tom

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