Bone Deep Weary
July 30, 2012 § 56 Comments
Early this morning I stood in a clearing in the woods behind my house. The morning sun carved channels through the mist. The air was crisp and cool. Idyllic.
And yet while standing in that palace of nature, my tortured mind wouldn’t stop. Too much to do. Too little time. Too many failings. Negative thoughts tumbling through my head. There, in that perfect setting, I was coming undone.
I know what I believe. I know that peace is always right there for me. But knowing the way and being the way are two different things.
Sometimes I think I should just give up. Go back to living in my head. Embrace repression. Set aside this wearying quest for self-awareness. Or maybe just take a break. Just rest for a bit, I think.
I can’t know what’s ahead. So maybe I will someday give up on this. But not today. Or at least not in this moment.
This bone deep weariness that comes upon me is something I must just accept. Let it come. And after it passes, start again. That’s what I’ll do.